133rd page

[ladybirdshit]

Next you'll be walking through a lovely valley. In addition to the green meadows and colorful flowers you might encounter a small farm every now and then. The locals are quite friendly compared to the people you've met before. Enjoy that glass of milk they offer and try not to burn down their cattle shed.

[ mission: be nice. please. just try. ]

Comments

[sawedoff]

[nods that i know you're keeping shit from me nod and shoves his hands in his pockets]

[you don't wanna talk about it we're not gonna talk about it]

[recurred]

[its one of those things that really doesn't want to be talked about but maybe laying it down might help or ruin the nice little middle ground she's reached with all of them]

[worries at her lip a little before turning to cut diagonal through the orchard, because it'd be quicker, but instead stops short to turn back to him looking emotional but not really registering it just yet]

I can't...keep doing this anymore. I can't compete with a ghost.

[sawedoff]

[gut sinky feeling. tries to school his face into anything other than gut punched. clara2 talking about clara1 is a thing that shouldn't happen]

No one expects you to.

[recurred]

[yeah see why she didn't want to bring it up, not really, but she doesn't know what to do because blissful ignorance really isn't working so far]

No, but it's not my choice when I'm either looked at like an abomination or when people try to avoid looking at me altogether.

[pauses and looks him down because it's just a little. a little too much.]

...or the way you're looking at me right now. I can't keep- doing this to you, it's not fair.

[sawedoff]

[shifts anxiously and pulls a hand out of his pocket to palm at his face. every time she does or says something to remind him she just keeps chipping away at whatever it is thats holding him together]

You're not her. You know that. I do too. I'm not asking you to be anyone you're not, here. If we're being totally honest, I don't want you to be. I want you to be the furthest damn thing from her you can possibly be.

[he doesn't sound the same with her. his voice is harder, and he's not as interested in protecting her feelings or keeping in her good graces. part of it is because he still doesn't trust her, yeah, but mostly it's because it'd just be easier if she didn't like him]

I have to deal with the fact she's gone. So do the rest of them. It ain't your fault you got dragged here, and it sucks you got put in the middle of this. But give them some time to adjust, that's all I'm saying.

[recurred]

[just stares at him for a long moment as if she's just trying to process but it's not about understanding what they're going through. she understands it all very clearly without him having to explain.]

[madehercry]

[steels jaw and just kind of stops and blinks it away, swallows back her words cause it'd just sound like a slew of crazy talk. she shouldn't care this much about appeasing bunch of strangers, and she doesn't know why she does. talking isn't going to help and its even worse when she has no one else to go to]

[covers her mouth with her hand then the bridge of her nose before turning and walking again]

[sawedoff]

[presses his mouth into a thin line and shakes head like he's trying to convince himself not to go after her. he'll let her go a ways before joining the group again.

yeah, he could have been easier on her, but he's so worn down from all of this that he's basically nothing but a bundle of frayed ends and she's right it's not fair to have to look his dead girlfriend's clone in the face every day. but what is he going to do, leave? deal with it like he does everything else, bottle, alcoholism and work.]