74th Page

[ladybirdcrap]

You finally set off from the Bed & Breakfast with full tummies and high spirits. It's well into the mid afternoon, and you have a lot of ground to cover before the next landmark. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be possible for you sorry sons of bitches to make it there before sundown. On your way down the beaten path, you come across a dairy farmer's caravan of cheesy goods. They seem nice and homely enough, maybe they'll be willing to help you stragglers along the way.

[Mission: Hitch a ride from the dairy farmer]

Comments

[pareidoll]

[well if she edged, then he'd flounder away like the wriggly fish of antifeels. she's good at blunt and has seen enough of him to round out that brilliant conclusion]

[lets him flop around with noises for a minute before taking his hand and stopping them both.]

Take your time.

[sawedoff]

[looks down at their hands and to her, eyebrows twinging. he's at the act irrational and stubborn stage of avoidance.]

Take my time with what? To burst into tears? I just call it like I see it, Clara.

[apparently so do you]

[pareidoll]

[also stubborn, but not irrational]

[doesn't let go and turns to him]

Yeah, but why? You're only creating more misery for yourself.

[sawedoff]

[are you really asking someone why they have low self esteem]
[thats like asking jello why it's jello]

Don't-

[we're veering dangerously into pity territory, it's going to make him gut himself]

This is how I come, the whole screwed up package.

[motions at himself with his non hostage hand the way someone showcases something at an auction. of course he's aware of how fucked up he is, which somehow only exacerbates the thing]

[pareidoll]

[she just wants to understannddddd]

Got that, but you didn't start out that way.

[reads into him quietly for a moment before taking a breath and turning a bit of the sass up]

Dean. You're not a charity case, so stop acting like one.

[sawedoff]

[you are so patient holy shit]

[glances down again and wets bottom lip before looking at her again]

Tell me that again when I get you out of here in one piece.

[in case you mistake it for bravado, that means he doesn't think he'll be able to. he's not as inspirationally heroic as the doctor]

[pareidoll]

[raises eyebrow at him to counter his abyss of pessimism]

You'll be damn sure that I will.

[raises hand to cup the side of his face]

I don't know what hell you've been torn through, but you need to find a little faith. Just a little. Just for me. I believe in you, but I can't do it alone forever. You need to start believing you can do it otherwise you really will fail.

[sawedoff]

[this is an unusual place for dean because he's never been faced with the tenacious optimism of a doctor companion before, it's a little offputting. but she's hitting both cas and sam notes with her faith talk and that's a surefire way to get him to buckle, if not get through to him]

[nods reluctantly into her hand. he can give, but don't expect miracles]

--Okay. Yeah.

[and a little sardonic humor for the sake of deflection]

If you'll stop with the self help book talk.

[pareidoll]

[thats better]

[shoves his face slightly before bringing it back and letting it go]

Hush, you. This was supposed to be a nice moment.

[puts finger to his lips]

You need me as much as I need you right now, don't deny it. Don't think one is more or less either, because they aren't. I should get to save you too and that's what I intend on doing.

[and there's nothing you can say or do about it]

[sawedoff]

[notorious moment ruiner]

[pulls her hand away at the wrist but keeps it close, curling his fingers against her palm at the risk of more hand holding]

You know my...instinct is to run away from you as far as I possibly can. I probably would have if I could.

[honesty hour is go]

[pareidoll]

[lets him and watches him carefully. you know while they just stand there as its getting colder in the middle of a country road.]

For your sake or mine?

[who are we kidding, he probably means hers]

I don't think I've seen you try very hard to fight me regardless.

[sawedoff]

[lets go of her to rub at his forehead, she's been all eyes and watching and studying and he's been nothing but avoiding and avoiding harder]

I'm trying to say- I'm saying I'm not the guy you think I am.

[or want him to be.]

I've been down this road and god knows I've tried, I've tried and it always ends the same way no matter what I do different, so we can talk until we're blue in the face about- about believing in yourself or being the one getting saved for once, but the bottom line is the longer we go on like this, the closer you get to me, the more likely something nasty's waiting around the corner ready to screw it all right to hell.

[and you're too good for hell, he doesn't want to see you get screwed to hell]

[pareidoll]

[dont test my patience winchester]

[shes been fighting you so hard for you and you keep coming back to this]

[drops hand and slowly shakes head in disbelief]

Stop doing this. Stop trying to push me away because you're afraid. Like you've already decided the ending before it's even set course. It's not fair, and better yet it's not true.

[sawedoff]

[moves hand from rubbing the mangst away from his forehead to rest at his hip for a moment, staring at the ground like he's trying to work out exactly how to phrase]

I can't do it again.

[a little of the selfless spiel flaking away there. looks up at her]

I wanna believe this can work, I do. But I'm so many down for the count I can't even keep track of them all. And if there's anything I've learned from it, if there's just one damn thing, it's that I can't have my cake and eat it too.

[also cake is gross]

[pareidoll]

[just keeps staring at him like you've got to be shitting me]

Unbelievable..

[looks away trying to process and then looks back and shakes her head. determined]

No. It may not be fair to you, but this..this isn't fair to me. Just so you won't hurt as much when something goes wrong. What about me? What about my feelings?

[sawedoff]

[a frustrated head shake, he's getting gradually more uppity the more she pushes. ftr, this is what it looks like when he fights it, isn't it fun, aren't you glad he hasn't so far]

That's the point! You should be with someone who isn't constantly worried about you. Who doesn't treat you like glass because every day might be the day the levee breaks. Why would you want this?

[pareidoll]

...



...

[slaps him. full on. startles the countryside]

[composed but slowly losing it. shaky hand hover]

Dean Winchester, you have no idea that you are the only thing that I have left. That there is nothing but death waiting for me no matter which way I turn, so you bloody damn well be sure I'd rather die fighting for a chance at everything than giving it all up.

[sawedoff]

[DAMN BITCH YOU HAVE A MEAN SLAP]

[blinks in delayed surprise]

[sawedoff]

[it's definitely the come hell or highwater, go down swinging mentality that slots it into place for him. because as much as he loves that she's all quirky and perky, it's at an armslength. but the fatalistic logic, that's where he's at.]

[so yeah, he gets it, and he may not like it or get why it's him, why she went for him, but he gets it, which is why it's easier to pull her against him by her waist and crush a kiss against her mouth]

[pareidoll]

[she can be as optimistic as she likes, but she knows better. she doesn't fear it, that ship sailed. maybe if she had a whole life to return to, it'd be different and easier to let go but she doesn't so it isnt.]

[but she's glad he's not fighting it anymore, at least not for the moment. momentously kissing him back like it'd be their last with her arms locking tightly around his neck]

[sawedoff]

[follows through with it, backing up into a tree as his hands work under her shirt, cold fingers on hot skin. when he does finally break away from the kiss it's with a stunned pant, tongue running over lip as he searches her face to make sure he's not the only one willing to get down and dirty in the middle of nowhere forest]

[pareidoll]

[equally stunned cause damn. relaxes against the tree for a moment and catches breath, looking up at him a bit flustered and impatient before wriggling arms out of her fat parka to let it drop. then her belt and the sword. get those most problematic bits out of the way and nearly hopping onto him as she drags him into another kiss.]

[sawedoff]

[hands working quick at his belt, tugging it and zippers open as he pushes into the kiss. her pants follow suit, and it's not in the same deliberately careful way he's usually so good about, instead shimmying them down over her hips as quick as possible before lifting her up to settle against his waist, there's no preamble as he fits against her with a buck of his hips]

[pareidoll]

[no room for sass talk or foreplay just a messy scramble of hot pants and anxious fingers. loops arm around a low hanging branch to help herself be pinned upwards a bit and hitches a breath into his mouth at the hiproll. takes his bottom lip between her teeth and scrambles one hand down fumble him into her, squeezing her legs around his waist as he does]

[sawedoff]

[moves a hand up to tangle at the base of her hair as he sinks into her with a stuttery groan, pulling her forward into a messy, teeth clashing kiss as he picks up a pace that's more self indulgent in its harshness than he'd usually allow]