[moves hand from rubbing the mangst away from his forehead to rest at his hip for a moment, staring at the ground like he's trying to work out exactly how to phrase]

I can't do it again.

[a little of the selfless spiel flaking away there. looks up at her]

I wanna believe this can work, I do. But I'm so many down for the count I can't even keep track of them all. And if there's anything I've learned from it, if there's just one damn thing, it's that I can't have my cake and eat it too.

[also cake is gross]